i am weak

I am too weak for life.
I have no reason to be depressed. I come from a loving family. were not rich by any means but were not poor, I live on a beautiful small farm in the Irish countryside that douse not even send its animals to slaughter. I've been lucky enough to get a grant to go to a good private school. I have plenty of friends whom I genuinely like. my life has been as good as it could have ever possibly been.
so why do i spend all day, every single fucking day, feeling so miserable it physically hurts and wandering if I'm finally going to build up the courage to kill myself.
the only reason i can think of, is that the person i am, is just too weak to cope with life itself.
i hate the internet. i hate it because everyone knows what happens to everyone else, all over the world and everyone sees that the lives they live are the same as literally billions of other people. and so, they know that nothing they think is an original thought. and so, for instance, everything im saying here is called "emo" and "self pitying" and the fact that im writing these words, means im trying to be "meta", which, of course means this whole thing is so so "cringy".
and people think these things and laugh at them because they know that it has all been said millions of times before. everything becomes cliche.
and that is the worst part of all. all the emo, self pitying things I think, feel and say are fucking cliche's. and so none of it matters, you can laugh about it and roll your eyes. nothing i say matters. and the only way i can make it acceptable is to make and joke and make fun of myself for being so cliche, to laugh at yourself with everyone else, so you save yourself the embarrassment and maybe by not taking it seriously, it makes it easier to deal with. for other people.
but it makes me want to fucking explode. I hate it so much. screaming and shouting and crying isnt enough. words are not enough.
i feel so weak.
not eating makes me feel physically weak and that, for some reason is comforting. so im starting to do that again. i know that its logically not the right thing for me, and it will only make everything worse but fuck it.